Funny Pictures

I hear there’s a new job opening at Sports Illustrated.

Besides Eva Longoria’s gravity-defying, anatomically incorrect disaster of a pose, there are so many other things wrong with this image that it is simply impossible to know where to begin.

This would be ropey enough on Something Awful, but people actually got paid for this.

OK, this is a little old (2003), but still quite stunning. Either Michelle Branch has no butt crack, or someone decided that this would pass muster. I mean, it isn’t as if Maxim readers would have any particular interest in that part of her anatomy, is it?

Courtesy Darren Barefoot.

For the sake of the unbelievers, it turns out that that issue of Maxim uses the same image inside the magazine, without the crackectomy.

Blender has set a new standard in committee-think with their composite Britney cover.

Not only do they put the poor tart’s head on an uncredited model’s body (which is probably, sadly, in her portfolio), they puss out by flagging the image as a composite. To pile insult upon injury, the tragic and desperate use of the word ‘truthiness’ is an exercise in pathos.

As if this wasn’t enough pussing out, the composition suggests that hitting rock bottom means smoking cigarettes and drinking diet Red Bull. Hello? It’s Brit-ney Spe-ars.

Even allowing for the culturally-ravaged, post-wardrobe-malfunction neo-fundamentalist, sexual dystopia we live in, the decision of Jordache to Photoshopically amputate Heidi Klum’s nipples is a profoundly bizarre one.

What were the possible logical processes that made this happen? Did they think no-one would notice? How could this make any sense? Unbelievable.

At 4am somewhere a designer wakes up and utters “Oh God I forgot to put her finger back in.”

Courtesy Gawker.